Is this REAL??????

As May 2012 quickly approaches, I can't help to feel as if this is all so surreal. I've always envisioned attending college, but never imagined that I'd graduate. I would constantly daydream about my career. In hindsight, I can see them for the twisted fantasies they were. As I have said in a previous post, I feel as though I lost passion. How do I know this you may ask? Because as I type this, I should be sitting in my Special Topics class for Marketing. Sometimes I feel like such a fuckup. But I'm human. So I guess theoretically, its one and the same. I often get frustrated with myself because I have never felt like I belonged to anything. Always an outcast, never included in the script. Sometimes I think, was it all worth it? I really do want to continue with my studies on the graduate level, but I have to get through this stage first. Ever been on a roller coaster? Well, this feels like that awkward climb up when you look down and around at the world below you; everything you can see but have yet to experience, dangling right in front of your face. MOCKING YOU. Saying, "You want this but you can't have it". That "GET ME OFF THIS DAMN THING NOW!" feeling. But you can't get off. You have no choice. Because there's NO turning back now.....